panik: (TS - Squee!)
posted by [personal profile] panik at 08:03pm on 18/05/2013 under

Yes, it's that time again. Willst join me in a snark fest made of purest luuurve?

And already LJ is annoying me most mightily. How can it be so slow?

So. A mighty bridge of musical magnificence. And Gray, so bitchy already? The thing hasn't even started yet. And hello Russell Brand lookalike. Who are you singing for, my pretty little friend?

Oh dear. Hellooooo!!! Is there anybody there? It's so quiet.

Romania, try singing along to that. Ah, Graham baby. You're no Terry Wogan, but I loves you all the same.

Oooh. Get you, France, all sultry and that in black leather. She seems a bit cross about something. I've forgotten too much French to know what about,  can anyone enlighten me?

But now it's Lithuania. Singing in English, predictably. ::sigh:: Who's a pretty boy, then? Thinks he is (as my Mum would have said). A bit tedious, sad to say.

Moldova. Can they possibly improve on last year's spectacular entry? Ah... it would seem not. Just another Euro song, another so-so ditty. I shall kill the time by popping to the fridge and pouring myself a fresh glass of wine...

Is anyone else going to join in? I'm getting terribly lonely. [ profile] fluterbev...? Bueller...?

Finland. Turkey is not screening the contest because of this? oooh, I'm intrigued and mildly excited.
It's a girl kiss? Is that it? Oh Turkey, you silly beast.
This isn't all that bad really. I mean, it's not great, it's yer bog-standard Eurovision fare. Ding Dong, Boom Bang a Bang, Ding Ding a Dong. It's a girl in wedding dress and pink platforms. A boy in wedding dress and pink platforms would be more Moldovan and she's kissing a girl with short hair. Very tame indeed Turkey, you silly bitch.

Spain. A girl in a yellow frock and she's not singing in English.For that alone, I'm inclined to like it.

Still no one turned up? I guess I'd best start clearing up, emptying the ash trays and taking the bottles bottle to the recycling.

Missed a few I didn't much care for. This is no fun on your own. Hey ho... Malta - this is pretty good, best song so far by miles.

Russia. Well, that's yer winner, right there. Unless something better comes along. :)

Armenia's entry composed by Tony Lommi. Blimey. Mr Eurovision himself... ;)

Netherlands. Has her luggage gone astray? Distinct lack of Eurovision spirit if you ask me. Song's not half bad though. Refreshing and unusual.

Romania! But surely, it's a Time Lord. A falsetto Time Lord. Oh I LOVE YOU! THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN MISSING ALL NIGHT LONG! This is getting my vote, no doubt about it. With added, bonus WEIRD half-naked Romanian wrestlers! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

UK. Go Bonnie! Ah.... She won't win, but she'll do her best, Gawd bless er.

Sweden's boy looks like a baby John Barrowman. Odd staging... I look forward to that.

Hungary. haven't seen them in the contest in a long time, if ever...? It's the Russell Brand lookalike boy. I warm to him already. It's a bit pulpy. He could be the Hungarian Jarvis. I like this and - singing in Hungarian. There should be  kudos points for anyone not singing in boring Eengleesh. Liked it, though it was a bit like the song from an advert for paint.

Denmark - the bookie's favourite apparently. Not doing much for me, but what do i know/

Iceland, and singing in Icelandic. Huzzah! You cheeky Viking man, you remind me of a young Rick Wakeman, without the wizard robes. Crossed with Justin Lee Collins - without the shouting and spousal abuse.

Azerbaijan. Enjoys freestyle wrestling, apparently. Is that what they call it in Azerbaijan. Ooh, he's a sultry monkey and no mistake. He looks as if he should be on the cover of a Smiths' album. he looks like a teen idol from the early 60's. Johnny Smoulder and the Firecracers. Or something. Alas his song was made of purest bland.

Greece. This is much more like it! A little like a Jewish wedding, but at least it has some life.
When are they going to start throwing the plates? I always like that bit. Alcohol is free. Ah, if only. That went down well. I'll bet Greece are crapping themselves in case they win. The cost of hosting this nonsense would be the last straw for their economy, surely?

The Ukraininan chap is 7 feet 8 inches tall. Good golly Mr Molly! Ben moaning on Twitter has he? the tinker. Song is dull though.

Italy is looking equally tedious. Nothing wrong with any of these songs, they just lack that oomph factor. Nothing fresh here, and there's been a distinct dearth of the crazy all night. At least he's not singing in English, I'll give him that.

Norway... Weird android chick singing about teh future. ::sigh:: Nothing if not literal. Not rocking my world but will do well when all the Scands start voting for each other Yes I am cynical. I've seen a lot of Eurovision Song contests, you know I speak the truth.
Penltimate song already? We are fairly ripping through tonight. Georgia. Same old.... what a tedious contedst it's een this year. Even Moldova let us down. The Falsetto beardy man from Gallifrey Romania was the only half-decent nutcase tonight. He's getting my vote anyway. Thank God that's over.

Ireland. Huzzah! Used all the baby oil on the dancers. Snerk... Oh Gray, you pervy, pervy man.

And it's over. Already. Well, that was mostly disappointing. Romania all the way for me. Any man with the chutzpa to dress like a Time Lord and sing like he's got his Hampton caught deserves douze points of anyone's money.
That's some pac a mac Loreen's wearing.
And now with the reprise, I really like the Netherlands' song, but Romania... Romania... I think I'm in luuurve.

So, did you vote? who did you vote for? Another costume change for the presenter lady and... Bonnie wowing Sweden. Bless. OK, time for the show. She looks like she's going to give us the Eton boating song, or do a Morris dance.

That. Was truly disturbing.

'He really lights up a room'. Oh Gray, such a snarky cow. Oh dear. The inevitable ABBA tribute. It's like they can't help themselves.

Votes! It's the votes! Greece, douze points! Italy's doing so much better than they deserve. No big votes for Romania yet. I knew it would be so, but am still sad.

Denmark, Denmark, Denmark. Why? I just don't get it. And once again, UK and Ireland too, are billy no mates.

Ah, Graham really doesn't like Lena does he. It's not a wipe out this year, but dear oh dear... And poor Ireland, what happened there?


I'll bet the Greeks are relieved they dropped back down the voting. Ten points to Romania! Greece, you have excellent taste!

Tedious Scandinavian block voting is tedious but I'm glad to see the Netherlands getting votes, I really liked that.

The string on the can might go down... heh.

So Denmark win. ::stifles yawn:: And they've given the girl some kind of prop from Doctor Who. Whatever. I'm off to bed then. Goodnight all.XXX