panik | Blue

I've posted Blue. Here it is.

- Only to 852 at the moment (and yes, it's riddled with the inevitable glitches, why can't I ever get it right? Why?!) but soon to ASR3, I hope and also a new website (coming soon).

I started writing Blue 2 years ago when 20 people contributed $10 to watch this monster get written on a private LJ com, with another 5 getting their updates by email.

betagoddess ,

fluterbev ,

luicat ,

snycock ,

slipperieslope ,

shiredancer ,

lear1027 ,

t_verano ,

patk ,

earth2skye ,

tany_z ,

alibongo ,

suemc ,

monkeyfun1 ,

debmc ,

still_ra ,jazzybea47 ,

juneb ,

artemis54 and

ponders_life on LJ. Also Mariojoe, Terry O'Donnell, Gloria Ainsworth, Cynthia and the lovely Gerri - who have all been so generous with their comment and suggestions and have greatly added to the story and I thank them all.

Special thanks to the magnificent

runriggers for one of the most rapid betas I've ever had, ever!

If you're planning to read it, be warned it's 126,000 words long and it's angsty. You would expect it to be, I suppose, angst is my MO, but Blue is mega-angst of galactic proportions. I didn't intend it to be quite so very packed with pain, it was sort of an accident. Sorry.

It's slash but in its very mildest forms. There's nothing much there, really, that would mither even the terribly sensitive.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Ah... ::rubs greedy hands together::

I am indulging myself, sinking myself into this story like I would into a hot bath, if we had a bathtub, that is. I'm going to record my thoughts as I read, in commentary form.

Oh, the sense that they are spiraling away from each other is so subtle and yet so strong.

Very casual confirmation that they are already lovers.

Blair's been tagged as an outcast right from the start, and he's making no effort whatsoever to try and find common ground with the other recruits. It's painfully obvious that he's dropping back into an older mode of surviving this group experience. And will the Chief realize that Blair is being harassed and actually try and stop it?

The kids that Blair has moved in with are going to totally freak when they find out he's a cop. They are going to think he's using them to make contacts for drug buys.

Blair's emails -- so busy saying nothing at all.

Jim's instincts are right on -- it is a mistake to just bop on up there. But then, Simon doesn't have the greatest feel for that sort of thing. Look at how he barged in on JIm's trip to Clayton Falls, when Blair felt that it probably wasn't the greatest idea.

Love the Sampson-hair reference.

JIm! You ASS! Is Blair going to chuck it now?

ACK! Simon and Jim and Daryl are so busy being disappointed that Blair hasn't metamorphized into their version of what a cop should act like that they aren't hearing him at all.

And Blair's seeing Jim as a cop right now -- and the distrust is killing him. He's cutting his losses.

Yes, Jim. You have been an ostrich with your head in the sand. And you are going to get to Blair's place too late.

Blair's doing dangerous work. And I can see that his experience at the Academy, where the recruits abused their power, would make him want to stop corrupt cops like that. Man, those guys are really bad news, willing to exterminate the riff-raff like that. And boy, are they going to be looking for him, since they know he took pictures. And why can't he go out during the day? What's up with the blackouts and meds. Good to see that he kept in touch with Mary. I like her.

Jim's cousin was a ho? What's the backstory on that?

"I don't hate donuts. Good way of sidestepping the question, Blair.

Okay, Mary is taking a chance on taking Jim to Blair. Wow, explosive much? I'm not surprised that Blair had a panic attack. And I like that he's physically falling a little apart here, too, the bad diet and lack of exercise catching up to him.

Blair is still so tied up in knots over Jim.

Blair's having small seizures? That's what he's taking meds for? And did they start because of the head injury he received at the Academy?

AHA! Thought Jim gave in too easily on not following Blair on his patrols.

"What the hell happened at the Academy to make him think that way?" Jim! He told you exactly what had happened at the Academy. Where was your brain? Too busy coming up with what you wanted to lambast him about to really listen to your partner?

Very riveting, reading about the fire and Blair's rescue. Where's Julie? Doesn't she live in that house? Or did she already go back to Cascade to go into hiding?

Blair's lungs? long term damage from drowning at the fountain? And David let the cat out of the bag. Seizures, yes. I totally called that one.

Blair did get his x-ray? What's spooking him so badly about the xray's and hospitals?

Ah, I see he did get the xray.

JIm isn't the only one with a death grip here. I'm so tense sitting here reading about his decompensation, mentally, into OCD, and how that asshole tormented him at the local PD.

Ah, Blair's having mutiple seizures from the stress of all of this.

Brian knows Blair is the Owl. And we get a glimpse of Blair dealing with things confidently, then the slip back into his anxious self. Because, he's not going to recover from all of this that quickly.

Why doesn't Brian put Blair in protective custody? And who was that with him when Jim called. The enemy, no doubt.

part two on next comment

Edited 2009-07-12 02:08 (UTC)

Ah... ::waves a hand:: Shakespeare did it all the time. *G* Nah, Brian - Brian's a good guy but he's a little too concerned with his bust and (possibly) the career boost to worry too much about Blair.

I'm enjoying your commentary enormously, making me giggle out loud with glee because you have such great insight - mostly spot on to what I was going for but also stuff I kinda knew, you know, that stuff that's there in the back of your mind when you're writing (or when I'm writing anyway) but that doesn't necessarily come out in the story that you're seeing anyway, which is thoroughly splendid of you. :o)

I have to admit, I haven;t been back and re-read it for some time. I'd tightened it as much as I could in the writing process (this was done as a WIP over 2 years as I'm sure you know) and before the beta, then it was being beta'd quite a while and I've almost forgotten a lot of the early stuff. It seems so very long ago.

Simon, Julie, Peace, McKinnon, Demidenko and co. So many loose ends, there just wasn;t time. Saving it all for the sequel (lol).

OK, on with the second bit...

Oh, Simon. He really invested a lot into getting Blair his spot in Major Crimes and really was disappointed that Blair was so lukewarm when he saw him at the Academy. Poor Blair, everybody,Daryl, Jim and Simon, was so busy projecting their vision of how Blair would be as a cop, that they refused to see what was really happening, or having any empathy for Blair's real situation.

Oboy, a sequel? You really do have a lot left to work with, with the door just opening for Jim and Blair.

And Naomi has finally grown up, hasn't she? Putting Blair's needs before her own, which when she was such a young mother, I have the sneaking suspicion she didn't always do when Blair was a kid.

Glad you enjoyed the commentary. I enjoy doing it this way but I don't always have the time.

Laurie

Blue

Very long commentary WARNING;THERE BE SPOILERS HERE FOR BLUE IF YOU HAVEN'T READ THE STORY

Re: Why doesn't Brian put Blair in protective custody?

Re: Why doesn't Brian put Blair in protective custody?