I've started the process of pruning my flist.

[panik]

Really, it's getting awfully crowded and there are a lot of people here who don't ever post or probably even read or with whom I no longer have much in common, or share much in the way of opinions and attitudes, or else I friended a long time ago but they never friended me back so... I'm guessing they want to leave as much as I need to reduce the size of m'flist but are much too nice and polite to say so.

Anyway, it's almost spring and it's time. I'm not pruning much, just a little...

If you've found yourself removed and care,, I'm more than happy to have you stay - just leave a comment and I'll re-friend you.

I'm just doing a litle spring cleaning, both in RL and LJ-life. It's nothing personal.

ETA: Remaining flist (*g*) - where do you stand on people who don't friend you back? There are quite a few on my flist. I've ditched some but there are others that are friends of friends, that I see regularly around the place - mostve been on my flist a good long while and haven't returned the compliment so, presumably, don't care to have me around...? I'm not sure I want to stay friended to someone who clearly doesn't want the same from me,  but I don't want to offend or seem like I'm flouncing...? Man... This is getting complicated. *g*

Comments

[fluterbev-fic.livejournal.com]

::clings::

::has a quick grope::

I do the same thing from time to time. LJ spring cleaning is a good thing - the beauty of LJ is that it is possible to operate within your comfort levels by choosing what/who to read :-)

Whoops!

[fluterbev.livejournal.com]

I was logged in as my fic LJ. I thought my flist was quiet this morning - I couldn't see the locked posts! That's what I get for editing my story first thing. Sheesh, I don't know how people who have sockpuppets cope - I have enough trouble with my two LJs!

[karieflybabe.livejournal.com]

*Chains self to P's house and clutches the key in her tight little fist.*

No no no no no no, not going, no doin, you can't make me!

Love you Hun!

[gillyp.livejournal.com]

Oh, hey, you're not on my list hon! Never were, never will be.

Scratches head. Tries to figure out chains; hopes K hasn;t swallowed the key...

[boogieshoes.livejournal.com]

i think i'm still in the punish corner from the mardi gras bead incident.... and i kinda like it here - you've got all sorts of interesting thoughts going 'round.

::hugs::

-bs

[gillyp.livejournal.com]

Glad to hear it!

Hope

[fingers.livejournal.com]

Hope I'm still here - although you've had to read all my angsty stress laden posts recently...

Re: Hope

[gillyp.livejournal.com]

Would I unfriend you, sugar?

[janedavitt.livejournal.com]

There are people on my list I've friended who haven't added me back; usually BNFs whose fic/meta I'm interested in, which is really the whole point of friending, except the name adds other layers of meaning... Doesn't really bother me not to get friended back. My fic/ ramblings don't interest them or they're too busy to add more LJs to their reading list; either way, not a biggie.

I have a lot of people who have me friended and I haven't friended back after all; couple of hundred of them in fact.

[gillyp.livejournal.com]

With me, it's more the people who I friended eons ago, who I see everyday on my friend's lists and so have a degree of interaction with, but who have clearly - deliberately indeed - chosen not to friend me back that worry me a tad. I just wonder why I cling to their company when they obviously don't want mine? )o:

[tx-cronopio.livejournal.com]

where do you stand on people who don't friend you back?

I decided a long time ago that what I wanted out of LJ was relationships, and not just to be some kind of fan club, so for the most part, I defriend if someone has not friended me back in a certain amount of time. There are always exceptions...for example, I'm friended to someone who is a TV writer, I just read her LJ for the insights and don't expect her to friend me back. And yes, it does kind of offend me when someone with whom I have lots of mutual friends won't friend back! ;)

[gillyp.livejournal.com]

I'm friended to a few people for professional reasons, people that I know have massive flists and that's fine - I don't expect them to friend me back. It's the folks who hang out with mutual friends, people I have a degree of interaction with and that I friended a long time ago but never friended me back... I think the time has come to prune those people out. ::nods. hefts shears. Grins::

[quietdarkness.livejournal.com]

I have a couple-three journals that don't have me friended. In my case it's because they have something I might want. One is a jewelry seller's blog, and a couple of others are artist's blogs.

I'm here for the social life. Usually I let people friend me, and I friend them back. I've been invited to friend someone before and did so and then that person never friended me back. That sort of hurt, so after about 6 months, I defriended her.

I guess I take the passive approach to friending, but I'm really over the average age of a LJer, and I 'd feel funny friending strangers that were 30 years younger than I am without their permission: )

[gillyp.livejournal.com]

I've guerilla-friended a lot of people over time (I rather think I did that to you, actually - I was deeply impressed that you'd met Alex the Parrot *g*) and I've no problem with people doing the same for me - I have a notice to that affect on my profile. If I'm friended I usually check the befriender out - if I like the look of em, I friend back, if I don't, I don't. I'm having to assume some people out there haven't liked the look of me so I think the time has come to let them go.

Is age relevant on LJ? I mean, I'm 107, honestly; it's on my profile. It must be true.

[talcat.livejournal.com]

Were do I stand on people who don't freind me back?
I don't really care as most of the people I've really wanted have added me back.

I do get a bit alarmed over people who freind me but don't tell me who they are or why.

[gillyp.livejournal.com]

I don't mind anyone friending me - anytime, anywhere, baby! I have a notice on my profile saying that very thing - but when people have been on my flist an awfully long time and haven't wanted to friend me back, well, I think the time has come. ::wields secateurs; makes snipping gesture::

[bumpkin-is.livejournal.com]

where do you stand on people who don't friend you back?

Well... I pout!

Lol, nah seriously, I friended them for a reason so generally I just don't worry overmuch if they never friend me back. But then if the reason I friended them is gone, and has been gone for a while... I will defriend if they never friended me back. No give and take, no need for loyalty. IMHO... which can count for little or much whichever way you want to take it. :D

have fun pruning,
Marns
~pN

[gillyp.livejournal.com]

I've never worried about people not friending me ever, but I really need to cut my flist because I can't spend as much time here as previously and I can't keep up - it seems obvious to start with people who no longer share interests and who I friended a long time ago but never friended back.


have fun pruning
Oh, it's no fun at all, none; it just has to be done.

[sassyinkpen.livejournal.com]

My friending policy is based off of what I get out of that person's journal. If I friended it because they post a lot of great screencaps or something...no, I don't really care if they friend me back.

If I friended them because I thought they seemed like an interesting person and I might develop a nice LJ relationship, but they don't friend me back....then I usually bow out after a while. (Unless I still enjoy reading what they write, then I stay and adjust my view of that journal). But I definitely don't view it as flouncing. (And honestly, who would know anyway?)

I do not automatically friend back everyone who friends me. I take a look at their journal and see if I'm interested. Someone who posts nothing but quizes everyday doesn't get friended back - I don't need those cluttering up my flist if I'm not getting other interesting content from that person.

I've been thinking of trimming my flist myself, and I totally hear you on the "angst" of it, because yeah...it's tricky stuff.

[gillyp.livejournal.com]

I've just got to cut because I don't have the time to deal with it all, and I want a flist that's fun to be with - I'm just looking for tear-free places to prune.

On the friending-back issue

[fluterbev.livejournal.com]

I honestly haven't got a clue which people I've friended haven't added me back. I don't think there are many - some of them, at least, are fic journals or other impersonal journals the owners of which don't routinely friend back anyway. Others may be people I've 'met' online and added, but who haven't got around to doing it back for whatever reason. It's all good, as far as I'm concerned.

It doesn't bother me at all if people don't friend me back - I don't friend everybody who adds me, either. Usually that's because I have no idea who they are, and they never comment or make any effort to communicate. Some of them are obvious socks (like the anthroguide LJ, which is... weird and feels a bit stalkery). And others are people I *do* know, but I really would just as soon they'd go away... LOL.

If someone friends me, hangs around a bit, comments once in a while, and demonstrates in my interaction with them that they are not a psycho *g*, I am more likely to add them back. Also, if they have a user name I recognise from fandom in general, I am more likely to add them. If someone springs up from nowhere, however, I am more cautious. I do, after, make quite a bit of reference to my personal life in my locked LJ posts, and I'm really not comfortable with just any old anonymous person on the internet reading it.

Re: On the friending-back issue

[therentgirls.livejournal.com]

comments once in a while, and demonstrates in my interaction with them that they are not a psycho

Of course, this isn't to say that some fen I've been friends with in the past haven't turned out to be a bit psycho. But that's a discussion for another day. sigh Or not.

after, make quite a bit of reference to my personal life in my locked LJ posts

Exactly. I think it's too easy to forget how very out there lj is. One only has to take a stroll through Fandom Wank to see how easy it is to get burned!

Interesting discussion.

[therentgirls.livejournal.com]

Fandom politics is as complex as office politics, isn't it? For the most part, I friend folks I find interesting. I belong to some of the lj communities for the fic.

I may not post as often as I would like (or comment as much as I should) but I enjoy my flist. It's manageable and filled with talented, amusing folks.
~V~

[gillyp.livejournal.com]

I friend like a mad thing - sometimes people friend me back, sometimes they don't; it's all cool - but my flist is getting too big for me to manage, tbh, and I have to look for places to start snipping.

But I would never prune you hon - I loves you. (o:

[arnie1967.livejournal.com]

I find it rather annoying when people ask you to friend them but then don't friend you back. Makes me wonder if they had the wrong idea of me, then found out they were wrong and decided not to friend me.

There was one the other day who asked me to friend her as she wanted to read my stories. She'd searched all over 852 but couldn't find them. I friended her, pointed her towards my website, and said they were gen which is why they're not on 852. Silence from her. I suspect I'll be defriending her soon.

If someone doesn't friend me back, I assume it's because they don't want to read my LJ. Another reason to defriend 'em.

[gillyp.livejournal.com]

I've never had that happen to me, tbh. Usually it's me doing the friending and if people choose not to friend me in return, well, that's cool. If I still read their LJ, then I'm happy to have them around even though they haven't friended me - but I do have to cut; it's getting too much to handle and I don't have the time anymore and comms and LJs that I just don't read anymore seem the obvious place to start.

I wonder why anyone would think your stories were on 852? *g*

[slipperieslope.livejournal.com]

I am always chastened and feel icky when I am not 'friended' back...

Icky, huh?

[gillyp.livejournal.com]

...it happens to me so often I must feel like I fell in a vat of engine oil by now. *G*

I don't mind when the people I guerilla friend don't friend back, but there are just a very few people I've been friended to for ages, and who are friended to other people on my flist - but have never friended me back, and now I need to prune - ::shrug:: They seem the obvious place to start.

[mab-browne.livejournal.com]

Some people I friend for 'community' reasons - I like them *g*. Other times they've friended me in the first place and they look basically sane and they do talk to me sometimes.

I have other people I friend on a 'reading list' basis. If they friend me back, cool. If they don't - no skin off my nose. I'll still keep reading them. Otoh, if I get bored or whatever, if they didn't friend me back, then I don't worry so much about defriending/removing from the reading list.

I kind of assume that I'm still on your flist. I'll avoid the insecure nonsense of wandering off to my user page to check...;-)

[gillyp.livejournal.com]

You are still here. (o:

I still have a massive flist - but I just had to cut it a bit because I couldn't keep up and it was getting insane! I've mostly cut some very vocal people I had nothing in common with anymore, and some big comms I've lost interest in. I just find my cursor hovering over those people that I sort of 'know' cause they're on my friend's LJs and I friended ages ago but have never friended me back and I think I'll feel better if I just - snip... (o:

[ringbark.livejournal.com]

Well, I've been reading your LJ for a while now and I don't think you ever friended me. If you want to, that's fine. If not, that's fine tolo. There's never much interesting stuff on my LJ, except for occasional politics and the part of a life story I'm not worried if everyone reads.
Why did I add you in the first place? Guess you had a mutual friend or an interesting interest...let's have a look...hmmm....no mutual friends or interests...but I do see txcronopio on the list. She's a friend of my wife's. Maybe that's it. Or not. Who knows?

TBH

[gillyp.livejournal.com]

...I never knew I was friended to you. I'll happily friend you; I friend lots of people - sometimes the relationship doesn't work out (which is why I'm contemplating a mass divorce)*G*

I don't know why I didn't return friend you; I probably just forgot - or maybe I didn't even get the notice from LJ; it happens sometimes.

Welcome to my flist. (o:

edited for weirdness!

[wordwitch.livejournal.com]

Some people are on my list because they're longtime friends of mine *waves at boogieshoes*; some are on my list because they write OMFG great stuff, and I don't want to miss anything. *waves at fluterbev* And these folks, I wouldn't presume to ask to friend me unless they flock their fic, and it's necessary.

And some folks are on my list because they showed up, and I looked at their journals, and they seemed interesting.

And some folks don't write anything I care to read (i.e., mostly about knitting or the like) but they like what I write for some reason, and unless they ask me to friend them I don't bother.

Because it's a long time between me posting, baby, and why should I inflict that on anyone?

[gillyp.livejournal.com]

I think...

I used to friend all kinds of people. All kinds of people used to friend me, and I was happy because even though I disagreed fundamentally with what some of those people were thinking, I thought it was good for my soul and all-over development to be friends and debate nicely with those of Other Opinions than mine.

I still basically agree with that stance and still have a lot of those people on my flist, but it's got so HUGE lately I can't keep up and I find myself skimming such a lot - then so many fandom friends have moved on; I've moved on a lot too; joined new comms, made new friends...

I've been musing on wielding those shears for some time and - the time has come, I think.

[luna-61.livejournal.com]

::waves:: : )

Pruning is good who wants to keep skipping over posts that you never read in the first place. My list is so small I almost always friend everyone back, but that is usually because I've gone and read their journal or know of them at least peripherally.

I have a lot on my list who haven't friended me back and that is okay.
1. Maybe they don't post/read much
or
2. Maybe they have too many friends and I got lost in the shuffle.
or
3. Maybe they don't like me. ::waaaa::

I don't think 3 is really a reason. But only they know. LOL

I enjoy lj and when it becomes so bogged down with journals you have no interest in you've got to prune. Hopefully no one should be offended by it, RL friends drop away from us so it's inevitable that in lj the same thing happens.

RL friends drop away from us so it's inevitable that in lj the same thing happens.

[gillyp.livejournal.com]

This is how I'm starting to think. As I told Wordwitch, I used to friend lots of people - mostly fandom-folk, because LJ is where I come to relax, not debate - but also people who mysteriously friended me even though I had little in common with them and often disagreed quite violently with their politics and views on the war etc - because I think it's good to be 'friends' with people you disagree with.

BUT... Oh man; my flist has become so VAST and unwieldy and I'm skimming so much - then so many fandom-friends have moved on and so have I and I think the time has come to start doing a little snipping.

I just wanted to make this post first so that anyone who gets pruned and wants to stay knows it's nothing personal and they're welcome to stay if they wish.

[marizilda.livejournal.com]

It is special for me have you in my list of mutual friends. I am not a very active friend, but need an hug I am here.

[blue]***[/blue] As melhores animações para Flores

Você é um amigo bom e avaliado!

[gillyp.livejournal.com]

You're pretty active! You post a LOT more than some of my flist. Eu sou muito feliz tê-lo aqui (Pesaroso, meu português não é bom)

[laurie-ky.livejournal.com]

It's possible that some of those folks you friended who didn't friend you back, haven't consciously realised(British spelling in your honour) that they didn't friend you back. Well, this will be a wake up call for them. If they care, they'll probably check your journal and see your post and recontact you. I went and doublechecked the handful of folks who had friended me and I hadn't friended them back, and found that all but one really don't post anything, or haven't for a couple of years, so I didn't think they really wanted to be added. One, though, I had missed adding, because her initial post was just a little confusing on the subject of friending, I read some of her posts then, and decided to add her. Hope you can get your readin' and ritin' done.
Laurie

I did think about that...

[gillyp.livejournal.com]

But I don't think it's the case with the people I run into most often because my comments are screened on their LJs because we're not mutually friended, so it's a constant reminder - every time I post they have to unscreen me so no, sadly, I don't think that's the case here.

Not that it's any sort of a problem other than for the fact that my friends-list has got very large because I never prune.

I friend people, people friend me, sometimes I return the compliment, sometimes I don't... For the most part, I've enjoyed having each and every one along for the ride. But as time has gone on, a lot of fandom friends have moved on to other fandoms I don't care about, I was on a lot of comms I no longer read, some people have just never participated and - I've GOT to cut somewhere; I'm just trying to do it as painlessly as I can. As I told luna, I just wanted to make this post first so that anyone who gets pruned and wants to stay knows it's nothing personal and they're welcome to stay if they wish.

[archaeomom8.livejournal.com]

Yea, I made the cut! :)

If I friend someone who doesn't friend me back and I enjoy reading their journal a lot, I'll keep them on the flist for some months. If I enjoy reading what they write, I tend to comment. If they don't friend back in a few months, I'll just remove them. It keeps the flist more manageable.

Sometimes when I run across a new poster in a community and see enough common interests plus I may like their comments, writing, etc., I'll comment to them that I'd like to add them. Usually they will return the friending. I put a brief piece on my Info page about how I friend. Not that people other than my flist ever look at that page!

Yea, I made the cut! :)

[gillyp.livejournal.com]

LOL...

My problem is, I friend a lot - I have a lot of interests and I will friend at the drop of a hat but never prune. I need to prune. There are lots of people who probably don't need me around anymore - I've cut a lot of communities too. I just need a more manageable flist so I have time to comment again (cause I was doing an awful lot of skimming)

[miwahni.livejournal.com]

where do you stand on people who don't friend you back?
If the original reason for friending remains then I'll keep them on my flist. I don't expect to be friended in return, although I get kinda insecure and start checking my deodorant if it doesn't happen.

[gillyp.livejournal.com]

LOL. Yeah... I've been friended to some people for so long and they've never re-friended me even though we run into reach other on other LJs all the time - after a year or more, you can't help but take it personally.

[still-ra.livejournal.com]

I just wanted to say that I'm honored to be on your flist! Thanks for letting me stay. I know I don't do much here, but I am a fan of your writing! Maybe one day I will get up the guts to ever write some fic, too. LOL :)

Honoured?

[gillyp.livejournal.com]

Gosh. Well, I'm honoured to have you here! And more than happy you like my writing. Maybe one day soon I'll be able to do some more. ::sigh::

My fic is going nowhere at the moment. )o:

Late to the party...

[earth2skye.livejournal.com]

... and what a party it is. 60 comments! Holy f...

But I hardly ever hesitate to share my opinion. So...

I friend who I like to read from and, so long as I still care about what the person has to say on her (or his) journal, I stay friended no matter if this person friends me back. To me it's like subscribing to a list. If this person doesn't friend me back, I don't hesitate to de-friend, should I lose interest.

As for purging and de-friending "mutual friends", other than leaving communities at will, I hesitate to de-friend any personal journals, simply because I don't want those people's feelings hurt. I wish they'd never called it a "friends list". However, most of those people I might de-friend, are on my f-list only because I friended them back as a curtesy (because they were new to LJ and I wanted to welcome them). However, much like never commenting on any of my posts, most of them also hardly ever write anything on their own journals. So I don't really mind them staying on my f-list either. And I most only skim-read my f-list anyway.

As for writing f-locked posts and being afraid of sharing stuff with strangers, I've solved that problem by creating a custom subset of my f-list that I actually consider "friends" and share more "private" posts with. It's a few clicks more work, but hardly a problem and leaves me in complete control no matter who friends me or vice versa. And the rest of my posts are public anyway.


All of that said: I'm mighty glad to not have been purged :-)

[maybeatdawn.livejournal.com]

People on my flist are mainly people I enjoy to read or photographers who enlarge my horizon, people who touch me by their comments or entries, or people who wanted to friend me. Usually, I friend back
Yet I tend to be interested in knowing the person under a story or an image. I only defriended someone because I couldn't comment on his lj after sending him messages. I know it's difficult to comment a painting so I don't expect a lot of comments, myself, but I like to visit other ljs and to drop few words.
No commenting and no comments possible means nobody there, so probably out of my flist after few non successful attempts of communication. My art search is a communication with others. I can't afford to have none.