Welcome to my perfumed garden

Yes, it's that time again. Willst join me in a snark fest made of purest luuurve?

And already LJ is annoying me most mightily. How can it be so slow?

So. A mighty bridge of musical magnificence. And Gray, so bitchy already? The thing hasn't even started yet. And hello Russell Brand lookalike. Who are you singing for, my pretty little friend?

Oh dear. Hellooooo!!! Is there anybody there? It's so quiet.

Romania, try singing along to that. Ah, Graham baby. You're no Terry Wogan, but I loves you all the same.

Oooh. Get you, France, all sultry and that in black leather. She seems a bit cross about something. I've forgotten too much French to know what about,  can anyone enlighten me?

But now it's Lithuania. Singing in English, predictably. ::sigh:: Who's a pretty boy, then? Thinks he is (as my Mum would have said). A bit tedious, sad to say.

Moldova. Can they possibly improve on last year's spectacular entry? Ah... it would seem not. Just another Euro song, another so-so ditty. I shall kill the time by popping to the fridge and pouring myself a fresh glass of wine...

Is anyone else going to join in? I'm getting terribly lonely. fluterbev...? Bueller...?

Finland. Turkey is not screening the contest because of this? oooh, I'm intrigued and mildly excited.
It's a girl kiss? Is that it? Oh Turkey, you silly beast.
This isn't all that bad really. I mean, it's not great, it's yer bog-standard Eurovision fare. Ding Dong, Boom Bang a Bang, Ding Ding a Dong. It's a girl in wedding dress and pink platforms. A boy in wedding dress and pink platforms would be more Moldovan and she's kissing a girl with short hair. Very tame indeed Turkey, you silly bitch.

Spain. A girl in a yellow frock and she's not singing in English.For that alone, I'm inclined to like it.

Still no one turned up? I guess I'd best start clearing up, emptying the ash trays and taking the bottles bottle to the recycling.

Missed a few I didn't much care for. This is no fun on your own. Hey ho... Malta - this is pretty good, best song so far by miles.

Russia. Well, that's yer winner, right there. Unless something better comes along. :)

Armenia's entry composed by Tony Lommi. Blimey. Mr Eurovision himself... ;)

Netherlands. Has her luggage gone astray? Distinct lack of Eurovision spirit if you ask me. Song's not half bad though. Refreshing and unusual.

Romania! But surely, it's a Time Lord. A falsetto Time Lord. Oh I LOVE YOU! THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN MISSING ALL NIGHT LONG! This is getting my vote, no doubt about it. With added, bonus WEIRD half-naked Romanian wrestlers! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

UK. Go Bonnie! Ah.... She won't win, but she'll do her best, Gawd bless er.

Sweden's boy looks like a baby John Barrowman. Odd staging... I look forward to that.

Hungary. haven't seen them in the contest in a long time, if ever...? It's the Russell Brand lookalike boy. I warm to him already. It's a bit pulpy. He could be the Hungarian Jarvis. I like this and - singing in Hungarian. There should be  kudos points for anyone not singing in boring Eengleesh. Liked it, though it was a bit like the song from an advert for paint.

Denmark - the bookie's favourite apparently. Not doing much for me, but what do i know/

Iceland, and singing in Icelandic. Huzzah! You cheeky Viking man, you remind me of a young Rick Wakeman, without the wizard robes. Crossed with Justin Lee Collins - without the shouting and spousal abuse.

Azerbaijan. Enjoys freestyle wrestling, apparently. Is that what they call it in Azerbaijan. Ooh, he's a sultry monkey and no mistake. He looks as if he should be on the cover of a Smiths' album. he looks like a teen idol from the early 60's. Johnny Smoulder and the Firecracers. Or something. Alas his song was made of purest bland.

Greece. This is much more like it! A little like a Jewish wedding, but at least it has some life.
When are they going to start throwing the plates? I always like that bit. Alcohol is free. Ah, if only. That went down well. I'll bet Greece are crapping themselves in case they win. The cost of hosting this nonsense would be the last straw for their economy, surely?

The Ukraininan chap is 7 feet 8 inches tall. Good golly Mr Molly! Ben moaning on Twitter has he? the tinker. Song is dull though.

Italy is looking equally tedious. Nothing wrong with any of these songs, they just lack that oomph factor. Nothing fresh here, and there's been a distinct dearth of the crazy all night. At least he's not singing in English, I'll give him that.

Norway... Weird android chick singing about teh future. ::sigh:: Nothing if not literal. Not rocking my world but will do well when all the Scands start voting for each other Yes I am cynical. I've seen a lot of Eurovision Song contests, you know I speak the truth.
Pe
Penltimate song already? We are fairly ripping through tonight. Georgia. Same old.... what a tedious contedst it's een this year. Even Moldova let us down. The Falsetto beardy man from Gallifrey Romania was the only half-decent nutcase tonight. He's getting my vote anyway. Thank God that's over.

Ireland. Huzzah! Used all the baby oil on the dancers. Snerk... Oh Gray, you pervy, pervy man.

And it's over. Already. Well, that was mostly disappointing. Romania all the way for me. Any man with the chutzpa to dress like a Time Lord and sing like he's got his Hampton caught deserves douze points of anyone's money.
That's some pac a mac Loreen's wearing.
And now with the reprise, I really like the Netherlands' song, but Romania... Romania... I think I'm in luuurve.

So, did you vote? who did you vote for? Another costume change for the presenter lady and... Bonnie wowing Sweden. Bless. OK, time for the show. She looks like she's going to give us the Eton boating song, or do a Morris dance.

That. Was truly disturbing.

'He really lights up a room'. Oh Gray, such a snarky cow. Oh dear. The inevitable ABBA tribute. It's like they can't help themselves.

Votes! It's the votes! Greece, douze points! Italy's doing so much better than they deserve. No big votes for Romania yet. I knew it would be so, but am still sad.

Denmark, Denmark, Denmark. Why? I just don't get it. And once again, UK and Ireland too, are billy no mates.

Ah, Graham really doesn't like Lena does he. It's not a wipe out this year, but dear oh dear... And poor Ireland, what happened there?

I'll bet the Greeks are relieved they dropped back down the voting. Ten points to Romania! Greece, you have excellent taste!

Tedious Scandinavian block voting is tedious but I'm glad to see the Netherlands getting votes, I really liked that.

The string on the can might go down... heh.

So Denmark win. ::stifles yawn:: And they've given the girl some kind of prop from Doctor Who. Whatever. I'm off to bed then. Goodnight all.XXX

and I'm exiled upstairs, for the builders are here to fix the chimney/rip-up the kitchen ::cue sounds of filth, turmoil, mud and destruction:: I'm feeling a tad fed up when I see

THIS

and suddenly, there is good in the world again.


*Sunday-Monday, the deluge actually stopped for a whole 2 days in a row. Honest to God, there was actual sunlight all day long. I almost went mental.

ETA 14.30: There's been a huge wreck of dust and stone, everything reeks of wet soot. The new liner has become lodged in the tunnel of goats against a fallen stone deep in the chimney. The builder is currently bashing a hole in the spare-bedroom wall (occassional home to many a fangirl :) to free it. Lord knows how long this is all going to take to put right. ::holds head in hands:: On the bright side, he's fixed our drippy gutter while he was up the ladder so, swings and roundabouts. shitshitshitshit.

ETA2: 16.00: He's still here, still working poor chap, up and down the ladder and on to the roof in the pouring rain.
Pictorial evidence of our nightmare.



In the kitchen...



In the bedroom...



Oop  t' chimney.

It's still raining, too. ::laughs like a mad thing::

Computer trouble, folders refusing to open or worse, reading ' this folder is empty' (cue the weeping and wailings of deepest despair). 3 days later, operating system has been re-installed and upgraded, all appears to be well (though aren't th'internets frustrating before you re-install add blocker? Just look at all those gyrating torsos and invitations to 'Trojans R Us'. Here be Dragons and Demons indeed. Goodness, I had no idea such things existed. Such a sheltered life...)

Anyway, I'm back. Life is much improved (wheeee! I'd forgotten lappy could do things this fast!  I'd rather got used to using egg timers and a sundial to track operations), work may re-commence and gosh, there you all are! How nice to see you all again. ::waves::

I'm really not at all sure this is a good idea.

Brian Capslock to voice for Tom Tom.

OK my babies, I appreciate I've been a tad quiet of late, I'm working on my comeback, but in the meantime, might I invite you to partake in jollies and frolicks in the form of a stolen meme, quietly lifted from the silken pocket of that well-known dockside doxie, frayen (like the filthy footpad, born-to-be-hanged that I am).

In this post, talk with your icons, and only your icons. Post early, post often, and respond to whomever you want. Just leave a dot or a dash in the comment field if LJ tells you you can't post a blank comment.

In other news: I'm watching Dan Cruicksank on BBC4 and yet, am still bored! There really is no pleasing me at all.

Lots and lots of RAIN! Simply terrifying quantities of water are falling from the sky!!!

Hoping we don't get a spring rising in the kitchen. again. Though I suppose, looking on the bright side, we could bottle it and make a fortune. Withnell Kitchen Spring anyone? I could put it in a blue bottle, I have one somewhere. I think it's in the cupboard next to the fridge

My LJ, like my life, has just had a severe pruning. If you're reading this, you haven't been removed, no need to comment (unless you want to be removed, of course (:).

If you've been snipped, honestly, it's nothing personal, we've likely grown apart in interests and whathaveyou, maybe you've dropped away from LJ too? Maybe you never friended me back (I do think LJ should be a dialogue and not just me jabbering away to myself like a loon). Whatever the case, if I've 'unfriended' you (what a horrible way that is to put it) and you wanted to stay, please, by all means comment or pm me, I'll be more than happy to add you back.

I have been a tad quiet of late, my laptop's power failed a couple of weeks ago, I was without t'internet for ten days and in that time, I rediscovered Real Life and all its joys and I have to say, far from being the trial I feared, it was actually rather lovely. :) Now I'm back I'm finding myself much less inclined to be constantly online.

My fannish interests are very much on the wane, I'm reading very little fic these days and bar one, still-outstanding story, I don't anticipate writing any more of my own. I doubt if I'll be commenting as much as before, either and - I'm telling y'all this in case you feel I'm too dreary company these days and feel you want to remove me. I do totally understand if that's so, so please feel free and absolutely no offence taken.

So, if in the light of all the above, you're still here and want to be, or you've been pruned and happy to be so, there's no need to comment. If, on the other hand, I've done something you're not happy about, just let me know and I'll rectify the situation.

In the meantime, permission to blow kisses? I may have gone a bit quiet but I do still love you all, you know.
♥ ♥ ♥

I thought I might try that 'I Write Like' thingumajig that's doing the rounds with a passion right now. Plugging a little of my novel in and finding that I apparently write like Stephen King (which, lawks a lawdy, I don't, nothing like!) I found myself merrily sticking in random bits of fics wot I wrote and it seems, going on samples of Chasing Rainbows, Wind Whispering, A&O, I write like HP Lovecraft (cool, if unlikely). The Sentinel Affair and Angel Dust both threw up the unusual choice of Mark Twain (Angel Dust? Mark Twain?? What the...? O:!). A Child of God came up, like the novel, as Stephen King and Blue plus a random ASJ fic, Jumping Frog (which is named for and references a Mark Twain tale) apparently remind said meme of Chuck Palahniuk.

But best of all, I put in a random bit of typical blather from my LJ and got:






Personally, I think that meme's been drinking.



How are you all, btw? Long time, no whateveritiswedohere. I hope you are all happy and well.

Yes, my fellow Brits, we are very crap at footie, but who cares about that when we live on what is possibly (still) the coolest lump of stone on this planet? Oh yes, my babies, for we have Time Lords and they rock!

We also have NEW! Top Gear and Reliant Robins! Oh good gracious me, I thought I was going to die, if not of suffocation then the massive haemorrhaging caused by the lolz - And new IT Crowd! and Rev starting tonight. It is, indeed, good to be alive. If only it would rain, just a bit (I know, I know, I'm never satisfied, me but my rain barrel is down to its last smelly dregs and there's only so much you can do with a watering can and a bit of leaky hose that was bought in 1972).

I knew it! Timey wimey people, timey bloody wimey!!!

Not as good as Ten, hmmm? Childish??? I don't think so!

And - Most Exposition Evah In A Television Show...? Whatever the former record-holder was, it was beaten tonight, I think.

Oh, and - Rory!!!! Permission to heart thee?